Contact Me! Look No Further For A Way To Get In Touch

For fans and critics of my writing, this blog, my book of poems (found here) or other verbal artistic attempts you have come across, this is the place where I tell you how you can get in touch with me, whatever your reasons, I accept them and I honor them.

Email is the best way.  Use this address:  Breathingfree206@gmail.com

Love to hear from you.

-Amanda

RISE Church’s Mac and Cheese Cook Off

What’s Good, Harrisonburg?

Annual RISE Church’s Mac and Cheese Cook Off, or, A Time to Laugh A Time To Weep

I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people. 
Jack Handey

            “I think I'm having a heart attack.”  I wasn’t used to craving Pepto Bismal and after sampling only about half of the entries, I was done.

            I had arrived eager and curious, ready to judge noodles to the best of my ability.  And only yesterday I had had a beautiful experience in the same downtown pavilion, when Gramma and I’d visited the farmers market.  There, the conversations flowed from smiling mouths, lively figures gesturing in front of colorful produce.  I laughed and embraced old friends, baptized in the glow of local nutrients and blessed by the divinity of stunning art.  Friendship and Health: A Harrisonburg Saturday morning.

            This town is diverse, though, and there are six other days in the week.  One day later: Sunday 4 PM, the air is shivery.  I pay $12 to enter the same pavilion after standing in a bafflingly slow-moving line.  I am given a plastic spoon and four blue translucent chips to vote with.  Then I’m ushered into the crowd, alone amidst the masses.    Some crowds make me anxious.  Most Christians make me anxious.  This was a crowd of Christians and the regret kicks in long before my spoon touches any pasta.  I get in a line.  People are happy.  Too happy.  Freaking Christians.                 

            Beside me two first graders ask a chef, “What’s the green stuff?”

            “Spinach.”

            “Ewwww!”  they yell in unison and run away to their parents who console them.

            I hate lines.  I hate standing in them.  I hate waiting in them.  I hate paying to stand and wait in them.

            And people are butting!  It’s  middle school all over again and the scary eighth graders are hungry! 

            I try a few samples and realize that they’re all the same.  It’s all macaroni and cheese.  Every table.  So many things in my hands I fumble and drop a plastic bowl.  The only way to eat here is while walking and some people seem more practiced than others.

            The farmers market was full of all the people in town I love to see, but somehow this Mac and Cheese Off is saturated with all the people I don’t really want to see.  Ugh.

            People I was once Facebook friends with approach me and ask, with pained smiles and pitying tones “how are you?” as if quitting facebook is akin to public humiliation.  (It’s not; I’ve experienced them both)  “Are you doing okay?” as if I’m Rosanne a month after her Ambian tweet.  I think what they mean is “Is it safe out there for you freaks socializing in person?   We worry about you, you know.”  Yes, I’m great, better than ever.  I make unbelievable excuses out of the conversations: “I have to go pet that dog now!  Good seeing you!”

            In fact this crowd resembles my old Facebook crowd quite a bit, and they were half the reason I deactivated.  So many predictable followers of boring trends.  Democratic Socialist Christians.  People who post “I’m not sexist” 20 times a day even though nobody thought they were.  A few individuals scattered in the mix, oblivious to their anomalism, trying to make friends and hang out in real life.  I don’t miss it.

            I’m not a vegan myself but I’m starting to hear what they’re saying.  Picture a cow in a factory farm.  She has no room to move and she’s uncomfortable and sun-deprived all the time.  Everyday she endures machines roughly suctioned onto her nipples and her babies are taken away screaming to the slaughter as she wails helpless.  My guess is she’s thinking something like, “I hate humans and I hope they all die painful deaths”  every day, a thousand times a day.  Live cells are programmed with thoughts and so the liquid coming out of her and her brethren is coded with the simplified mission “kill humans.”  That is why dairy kills.  It’s on behalf of its makers, the millions of brutalized bovinian slaves.

            There’s a live band and the beat rhythmically reminds me of the oily mass sliding around inside my body like a slick ten pound pendulum.  Nothing about this feels good.

            I hope they have a team of paramedics on site.

            A teenager walks by me wearing a shirt declaring her intent to smash the patriarchy but the look on her face under sheared purple hair makes me think she couldn’t spell patriarchy if she looked down at her own shirt to try.   

           The church sponsoring this event, RISE, corners the local religious market on gay people around here.  They’re probably the only ones trying, besides the Universalists and we all know they don’t try that hard.  Boom!  All the do-gooders, phonies and fat allies are here insatiably sucking down comfort food, greasy spoonful after greasy spoonful, and then slapping on innocent looks before coming back for more.  Mac and cheese is not something you eat in public on a happy day – it’s something you eat alone when you’re sad and then lie about doing it, like heroin.  “Holy gluttony!”  I wish I made that up but it’s the event’s real tagline.  Jesus would be about as at home here as a gang of frat boys would be on electric scooters (a weird new trend in downtown).  Again, I think I’m going to be sick.

            I toss my remaining voting chips in my brother’s vote box, his table the only one with any art at all, and walk to my car, the unfamiliar taste of acid ascending toward my mouth.

            And God said: Clog Thine Arteries and for once the people obeyed.  It’s good to be out of the crowd.  These are the kind of people who honor God so much that even God is like, okay you can do your own thing now; and for my sake, eat some vegetables!

            That hot pounding glob of misanthropic dairy settles - I just want it out of me!  I haven’t felt this nauseous since they started building Hotel Madison.

            This Cook Off is some kind of fundraiser for hungry people and if they’re actually helping hungry people, more power to them!  May that $12 get them more than it got me.  But like every other aspect of our society, experience with organizations that help underprivileged people has only amplified my disillusion. 

            On the drive home I pass people holding signs.  Last year this town got panhandlers like some places get locust, descending all at once without any plans to ever leave our abundant city-in-a-valley.

            I’ve known a few panhandlers and I’ve known quite a few people experiencing homelessness and they’re usually not the same people. One guy I knew, Conan, used to ease his able-ass-body down into a wheelchair to scoot around Portland all day long with his cardboard slab, begging.  Some people will do anything for money!  (Except work.)  The whole town is hiring, you jackasses!  Yeah you get paid a lot more standing in Court Square feeding off the overflow of goodwill and bourgeoisie guilt but there are laws against fraud, I’m just saying.

            I’m sorry I’m sorry.  I apologize once more to my digestive system but it says it won’t forgive me for at least a week. 

            I shift into third gear and declare out loud my appreciation for the farmers market.  God or no God, they have the real food, people!  That’s where Jesus would shop! 

            Freaking scooter bros!  Get outa the road!  You look like babies!

            Anyway, this town is bleeping going bloody downhill, I’ve seen a few things in my time but this BS all you can eat macaroni and Christian cheese to feed the hungry just takes the cake, bah humbug and piss off alla ya!

The Cracked Pillar Pub, Bridgewater, Virginia

https://www.thecrackedpillar.com/

Summer is passion and action and youth:

Of the seasons it screams LIFE the loudest.

But there is LIFE in autumn too.  Forgotten though it may be.

The chill returns aches to knees

And depth to memory.

We have been here before

The soft jacket soothes,

And then we will be again.

Trade sandals for notebooks and pens, my friend.

LIFE whispers to you through the wind, my friend,

“Again.  Again.  Again.”

You know what our area has an abundance of?  I mean, besides rickety barns and poultry plants?  History!  Lots of history here in the Shenandoah Valley.  And I don’t know about you, but visiting historical buildings and sites gives me that glorious feeling of childhood wonder and expansive possibility that I can’t quite drum up in a sleek urban setting.  I got a shimmer of that feeling today when my sister Bekah took me to The Cracked Pillar Pub.

I drove to Bridgewater Virginia to visit my sister’s house.  We had planned on going paddle-boarding (not waterboarding), but September decided it would bring winter this year, so that idea was out the window.  We talked about putt-putt but the rain was discouraging us from participating in anything at all really.  What to do, what to do?  What’s something nice to get into on a dreary day?  Oh yeah!  Try a new restaurant!  So that’s what we did.

The town of Bridgewater is only a few miles South of Harrisonburg, on Route 42, and is known for its quality education at Bridgewater College.  The feel of the town seems inconsistent to me, but I know little about the subject.  There seem to be some old parts and some new parts.  Like any place, I guess.  We got lunch in an old part.

The Cracked Pillar Pub is a revitalized historical building on the main drag in town.  The front porch is supported by three huge white pillars, seemingly sturdy and I didn’t think the cracks were even noticeable.

Now doesn’t that remind you of being a kid at your grandma’s house?  Nostalgia was in the air and I think fall might be the best time for old-fashioned sites and eateries.

I adore new businesses in old buildings, and the atmosphere here was wonderful.  The word quaint seems too diminutive, historical too boring and cool just too empty.  But this restaurant was all three nonetheless.

Entering the building gave the deep impression of going home somehow, almost past-life level.  Who doesn’t want to be served in a house?  This is the staircase from the front door:

The ceiling was redone in imprinted copper and the wall was boarded by diagonal striped lengths of wood in different stains.  All of this with the updated antique fixtures gave the restaurant a clean down-home feel.

Bekah and I ordered food.  I asked the waiter if he knew anything about the history of the building and he returned to me with a whole binder!  That kept me occupied for a bit!  I learned that the building has been called the Barbee House for some time and was built somewhere between 1818 and 1840 by a Coronel Barbee.  It has served the area in many ways including as a hotel and inn, a tavern and a private school for girls.  Col. Barbee had his fingers in a lot of soups around here.  He served as the mayor of Bridgewater, the creator and editor of the Bridgewater Journal and an artisan cane carver.

Our appetizer of Jalapeno Bites arrived and I continued to read the history of the Barbee House.

They were sliced and breaded jalapenos served with a creamy chipotle sauce.  I’d never had anything quite like that, like spicy fried okra.  The sauce cut the heat and the little guys were quite enjoyable.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?”  my sister asked me. 

I shook my head, “No, what?”

“No napkins.” 

True!  There were no napkins in sight!  We might be Irish but we’re not that Irish!  (No offence, that statement has no meaning.)  Our server brought us some after we asked. 

And then our food showed up.

Bekah got a Classic BLT.  Here they are, pictured together:

And a close-up for all you bacon freaks:

As you can see, the BLT was served club sandwich style and apparently was tasty and satisfying.  (Aside:  last week I accidently ingested a small piece of bacon and since I’ve been avoiding meat, my whole body reacted saying, “yeeesssss, this is life.  This is GOOD.  This is looove.”  I told it to shut up.)

I ordered their only completely vegetarian entrée, the Son of a Bun black bean burger.

Before I tell you about the burger, let me mention the fries.  They were broad and crispy.  Pub-style.  I enjoyed them.

So, about the burger.  The bun was the best part.  It was toasted, probably with butter, on the insides only, leaving a soft outside and two nice twin crunches.  It was downhill from there, though.   There was no flavor to be found.  This was Bland City and I was a hostage.  I added hot sauce and mustard which didn’t help much, but they were the only options.  I will say that the patty stayed in one piece, which isn’t always the case with bean burgers.  The pickle was pleasantly crisp but I felt a little gypped on size.

I asked Bekah what she thought and she replied,

“This is definitely hangover food, greasy and carb-y.”

I continued reading the history binder.  To me, the most interesting person mentioned was Lucy Hite.  She was somehow related to the home and she was the first Native American given audience in a US Court where she argued common law Indian marriage, won herself a divorce and got what she deserved out of her ex-husband.  Inspiring women of the past, we call on you, empower us!

I could certainly imagine being here, at this same table, 200 years ago.  And that’s a special feeling.  More valuable than a good burger in my book. 

I guess The Cracked Pillar is known more for being a tavern and they have whiskeys from all around the world.  Maybe one day I’ll go back and sip on one while I pen my great American novel.

Out back, there was a huge patio that seemed especially Southern and would be a great venue for live music at night.

What an experience!  I really loved the Atmosphere of the Cracked Pillar Pub and will be back because of its power.  Thank you, Bekah, for sharing with me a little piece of your town!  This place is perfect for an autumn afternoon in Bridgewater.

Amanda out!

How To Save Money In Harrisonburg, Virginia

     I know one thing we all have in common is the daily financial struggle.  And working class people have always been known to help each other.   So I figured I would share what I’ve learned about getting around in this town on a budget in the hopes that it could help some of you folks.

Whether you’re new to Harrisonburg or new to being broke, welcome friend!

And now, without further ado, I present to you the first edition of:

The Better Budget Bureau’s list of 

Bitchin’ Businesses in the ‘Burg

Food:

Sharp Shopper $ – No matter your diet, you can save hundreds a month by getting the majority of your groceries at Sharp Shopper.  The savings will astound you.  Not open on Sundays.

Food Maxx $ - All kinds of foods from all around the world at low prices.  One time I ate a few mushrooms before going in there and it was better than a museum, it was a world tour.

Aldi $$ - Coming soon, almost open, also hiring cashiers for like $17/hour or something.

Farmer’s Market $$$ - This is your best option for fresh food and an inspirational time.  Only open Tuesdays and Saturdays 8-1.  My best advice to save $ there is to show up right when everyone is starting to clean up and see if you can glean anything they didn’t sell for a low price.  Also, I believe if you get food stamps, you can get market tokens for half price so that would take the $$$ down to a $$. 

Furniture:

Mercy House $ - Best prices on anything you might need (shelves, dishes, candles, pillowcases, lamps, etc).  Also, they deliver furniture for only $5 if you live in town.

Household Items:

Ollies $ - They have everything you might need, new and often name brand for jaw-droppingly low prices.

Appliances:

There is a new little store in the same shopping center as Ollies, directly to the right of it.  They buy and sell used large appliances for unbeatable prices.  And they deliver.

Construction:

Mercy House Building Supply Store $ - right beside Mercy House on 42.  People drop off their extras and you can buy them for pennies on the dollar.

Gifts:
Horizon Gifts $ - Go there first.  Very affordable crystals too.

Car Tires:
Fitzgerald's Tire in Waynesboro $ - Whether you need new or used tires, there is no other option really.  The super-cool ladies in there will sell, install and align you a new set of tires for half as much as anyone else.

Festivals:

Clean Vibes $$ - If you can afford a festival ticket upfront, this organization will refund your money if you spend a good amount of time cleaning up during or after a festival.  I recommend after.  The things you will find will make it completely worth it financially though believe me.

Healthy Stuff:

Sue’s Nutrition $$ - Not especially economical, but they are very helpful and friendly in there if you need something from supplements to some weird random oil.

Lost City Herbals $$ - The local organic brand I founded is now being run by someone else, but the products are still quality, from lotions to acne wash, hit ‘em up on Facebook.

Books:

Mercy House $ - Big bag full of books for $5.  Lots of good finds.  

Downtown Books $ - Under the parking deck.  Most days Bob even puts FREE BOOKS out on the sidewalk and good ones too!

Blue Ridge Hospice $$ - Behind the mall. Has good deals on books too.

Clothes and Shoes

My Salvation Army closed so I’m a little lost here as well, but I would say:

Goodwill Bins in Staunton $ - Pay by the pound.  Lots of good finds if you have the time to sort through.

Gabe’s $ - If you prefer new clothes, try Gabe’s.  Great prices on shoes.

Beer and drinks:

Jess’ Downtown $ - Jess’ has a bar now and the drinks are real cheap.  Hit them up before you go out to save some dough.

Coffee:

7-11 $ - Whether it’s hot or cold coffee you’re after, bring in any size container and fill it with great quality jooce for like $1.19.

Restaurants:

Golden Pony $$ - They have tasty vegan/vegetarian options.

Lola Mo’s $$ - If you like sandwiches, getcha ass down to Lola Mo’s.  They know how to make a sandwich and have yummy vegan/veggie choices.

OCP Friday Lunch Restaurant $$ - Only open Friday afternoons.  Wonderful three course meal, local and super healthy.

Artful Dodger $$ - Best Happy Hour in town probably.  Try the appetizers.

Taj of India $$ - Best buffet in town.  Definitely.  Do not miss.

La Morena $$ - All kinds of tasty aqua frescas and their tortas are the perfect lunch.

River Sports:

Shenandoah Outfitters $$ - Drive to beautiful Luray and take a day on the Shenandoah, whether kayaking, rafting, tubing or canoeing.

Costumes:

Glen’s Fair Price $$ - Duh.

Fairy Furniture:

Landscapes in Miniature $$$ - In the Dayton Market.  I highly recommend making your own miniatures but this place has some dope inspiration.

Jobs:

Everywhere – Everybody is hiring right now!  If you want a job, pester them until you either get it or get thrown out.  You got this!

Free Food:

OCP – They have community meals on certain days throughout the week and are a great resource if you are really down and out.

Food Lion – Check the dumpsters at night.

Questions:

Farmers Market  – Lots of knowledge standing behind those tables.  Use it or lose it.  Come early when the vendors aren’t trying to sell stuff so hard.  Please don’t constrict their sales, but if you don’t know where to plant your pepper plants or what that dagum itch is from, these guys can help you out.

Hope that helps!  Best of luck and happy shopping!!!

Amanda Out  -

Pictures of Beautiful Things: Luray, VA: Shenandoah Moon, Festival of the Arts, Uncle Buck’s Restaurant, and Rainbow Hill Gift Shop

          “Hooray for Luray!”  

          That’s what my dad always said and that was just about the extent of my knowledge of the nearby town of Luray until I visited it today for the first time.  It brings me joy that I saved the experience until now!  What a treasure of a village hidden up in the Northeastern foothills of the Shenandoah Valley - only about 40 minutes from where I live in Harrisonburg, Virginia.

          Luray is known for its tour cave, Luray Caverns, (check it out here:  https://www.luraycaverns.com/), but the town has much more to offer and is very much worth a visit.  I certainty can't wait to get back there! This here is a map of the Shenandoah Valley with Harrisonburg circled in red to the South and a red circle over Luray in the North:

Map 2016 Center for the Study of Place.  I added red circles for ease of understanding

          My friend Taylor is a local, and she had invited my attorney and me to visit Luray this weekend, specifically for the annual Festival of the Arts:  

https://shenandoahmoon.com/arts-in-luray-va/festival-of-the-arts/

          I like art and it was looking to be a beautiful early spring day, so we decided to go for it!  You know what they say, fortune favors the brave, and we were about to get fortunate.  We would learn homesteading skills, meet local craftspeople, drink a Bud Light, get chased down a country road, listen to ol Mother River, and explore the biggest head shop in Virginia before heading home in the evening.  It was a great day.  Let me tell you what happened.

          The drive north through the Valley was so true and comforting that we had one of those discussions that is so good you wish you had recorded it.  You know the ones I mean.  The kind of talk that’s so deep-diving, vulnerable, and clear that you drive 20 miles too far north before you start to think that maybe Luray isn’t that far away and so then you just casually make a U-turn and thank God you're in a hybrid.  
          We talked about turning over a new leaf, which seemed like an appropriate theme for Palm Sunday, but I couldn't take my eyes off of the mountains.  There was still snow clinging to the high places and it highlighted the hills, respectfully showcasing their delicate, ancient wrinkles to even the interstate drivers.

          We parked downtown.  The first building that caught my attention was Shenandoah Moon, a bead and gift shop.

          Because the shop lives on a half level, we entered it after descending a few steps down, down into the subterranean palace of colors and textures . . .

          Shenandoah Moon carries hand-crafted fair-trade items, the likes of which you don’t see for sale in other places, and more beads than I would ever be willing to organize, on account, of course, of my nervous composition. 

        There is a great work-space for making jewelry; check out their website here:  https://shenandoahmoon.com/wp-content/cache/all//index.html.
          I adored this beaded necklace from Indonesia - 

          Just look at these pairs of earrings in the shapes of insect wings - inspired by native bugs of the Shenandoah, I presume.

          Shenandoah Moon is a lovely store with a welcoming atmosphere.  You really should stop by if you need to make a bracelette or pick up a thoughtful gift for someone you cherish.

          We continued walking on our way down the main drag in Luray.  I liked the feel of the town.  Integrating artfully with the land, it seemed both feminine and free.  But maybe that was just my reflection in the small river that splits the energy of downtown Luray half in two. 

          The train shop was closed but there were some sweet miniatures in the window, reminding me of my family friend Donnie's unbelievable crafting of tiny towns, my photography of which can be viewed here:  

https://steemit.com/art/@amandafreemanda/check-out-this-old-west-town-made-out-of-matchsticks

        

          A sign up ahead!  A Festival of the Arts location: the Performing Arts Center.  Little did we know then, but we were about to learn a thing or two in there.  

Local Photography on display in the Performing Arts Center

          First, we met Susan Rocke.  Turns out she's the owner of Shenandoah Moon, the iridescently decorated bead store we had just come from.  She was designing stunning jewelry while at the same time serving as the one-woman-welcome-committee into the huge community room.  An eclectic medley of local artisans' tables composed the perimeter of the space.  We got lucky enough to talk to almost all of them.

             There was Frank Filipy, or as he introduced himself to me, Mr. Catfish, tying flies and shooting the breeze.  I've always enjoyed spectating the art of fly tying.  It is such a delicate craft with such a masculine reputation, which I suppose comes from being so intertwined with death.  Rarrr!  Truly, there's nothing like being out on the river;  Mr Catfish and I agreed on that!

          Julia Verba sat at the next table weaving the most artistic baskets you ever saw.  Get a load of these!

          Aaron Bogner was working on his original designs in stained glass.  Here is his contact information if you are looking for the perfect custom piece for your home:

          He is planning to start teaching workshops soon, and he gave us a little lesson for free, explaining how the plates of colored glass are scored and sanded into the perfect shape and how the copper is simply wrapped around each individual piece by hand before it is smoothed and soldered.  I learned so much in just five minutes with Mr. Bogner.  All of the artisans were a joy to talk to and were more than happy to share their knowledge of their creative trades/hobbies.

          Continuing around the room, we were lucky enough to meet Debbie Forrest, who is the kind of teacher all students deserve:  knowledgeable, patient, and passionate.  First, she showed off her small inkle loom and talked to us about wool dying techniques.

                                     

                                     

          She plays around with both natural and synthetic dyes, including Kool Aid, which she says is the only good use for the popular powder.  I concur.  

          Debbie kindly offered to explain how to weave with a loom and she even let us try on her traveling set-up!  Her full size loom apparently has its own room at home.

       Here is a short video of Debbie sending the shuttle through the loom and controlling the stretched yarn with foot pedals.  Her smooth moves prove she's been at it a while.

                

                                       

          Here's me, getting the hang of it -

          There are foot pedals that control which layers of yarn are raised or lowered, and choices made there set up the pattern for the scarf design.  I believed her when she said that the toughest part is setting up the loom.  I can envision myself attempting to sort out the long strings solo and ending up with an I-Love-Lucy-style-fiasco.  "Manda, you got some 'spaining to do,"  I would say to myself from a mirror, smiling and shaking my head, before trying to reach the scissors and falling to the floor like Houdini in his lamest hour.  Looks a little tricky to me.

         

          While I was learning to work the shuttle, my homie Taylor showed up!  She had an hour or two to spend with us and as it was our first time in her neck of the woods, she wanted to show us around!
         We were hungry and asked if there were any vegan options in Luray.  She suggested Gathering Grounds Patisserie and Cafe.  Unfortunately, it was closed already.  I think it's the nice kind of quaint the way small towns close early on Sunday afternoons, so employees can enjoy one last cup of tea before another long week at work.  Anyway, Uncle Buck's Restaurant and Bar seemed like the happening spot, so we decided to eat what we could find.  You know the old saying, when in Page County . . . 

Uncle Buck's is located right in the center of town, from what I could tell at least

                                      

          We ate the flesh pictured here:

          Not too bad at all, but the stars of the lunch hour were Taylor,

          and this Australian Shepard at the bar:

Dawww look at that cutie patootie just begging to be featured in a blog!

        

          I can see why Uncle Buck's is so busy.  Great location, big menu, night life right on the main street, and they allow sweethearted doggies!  Great lunch, but it was time to explore the more rural area for a little while.  

          Something that "they" might not tell you, but that I will let you in on here, is that you can't expect to get through your first trip to Luray without a backroads car chase.  We sure didn't.  Stay tuned for what happened next and for snapshots of the one of a kind Rainbow Hill!

The View from Every Car Window in Virginia

          We wanted to drive the country roads a little to compare them to our own and then maybe sit for a spell down by the river.  Simple enough, or so we thought.  We got a bit turned around trying to find the perfect water spot and my attorney asked me to pull off the road so he could load his GPS map.  I saw a rickety farm house with no cars in the drive and backed in off the road, with no opposition from my passengers, might I add.  As we sat there trying to get service, I noticed the large chimney-ed smoker in the yard.  Out loud I laughed at how it reminded me of the film, "Jeepers Creepers."  Just then, a huge black pick-up slowed down in front of the house and began turning into the drive, right where we were parked.  The old man pulled up a foot or two from my driver's side window and yelled, "HEY!" in a menacing voice.  

          "Go go go!"  I heard, either out loud or in my head.  I slammed on the accelerator and spun gravel out of there!  I looked up to the rear view mirror and saw the truck backing out fast and starting to follow us!  I'd never driven that windy road before but I was zooming as fast as I could as the old man's speed increased until he was right on our bumper.  All I saw in the mirror were his shoulder-height headlights and this image from my imagination:  

I just hope my attorney got that licence plate

          Our adrenaline glands were pumping hard and fast, even though we knew nothing could come of him catching us.  Could it?  We should have just explained that we were poor dumb lost city slickers out of our element, but he freaked out and we panicked, so here we were, barreling down a gravel road in a fuel-efficient vehicle getting full-speed tailgated by a hillbilly with who knows what on his mind.  It was a mile or two later before I saw him slow to a stop and turn back around.  I guess he couldn't think of anything worth doing if he caught up with us either.

          Whooo-eee!  What an adventure that was.  We soon found the river spot which calmed our nerves as river spots always seem to do.

          This boat-landing river-access area had a foot bridge all the way across the familiar waters of the Shenandoah.  I'd never been on a foot bridge like that before.  It was spectacular!  We dangled bare feet over the middle of the river, still quite high from last week's snow melt, and enjoyed the view of the mountains and the trees and the running water.  Nothing beats a view of mountains, trees, and running water, in my opinion.  Taylor nailed it, taking us to that location, and I made us some time getting there.

           Miss Taylor had to say her goodbyes and get on with her day, but before parting ways, she led our car to the entrance of Rainbow Hill.  We beeped tootaloo and waved as she continued on down the road and we tried to imagine what we were in store for next.

         More than one reliable hippie friend had smilingly recommended that we browse Rainbow Hill Gift Shop if we ever got the chance.  A nonconformist's haven, it sits alone but certainly not empty atop a knoll off the highway.  It gives me the impression of a spirited oasis for the differently oriented who might, for thousands of possible reasons, live here where the traditional mountain mores can fit Souls a little too tight sometimes.   We finally had our chance to see the legend for ourselves.

Rainbow Hill Gift Shop 

          You are not going to believe the stuff we saw in this place.  There are so many wild images coming up, you'll be like, "what!" and you'll be right.  I am going to take you through it on a virtual tour, but don't let this spoil your appetite as I highly recommend visiting in person at your earliest convenience.  After you rent a kayak and spend a nice day in the quiet region, perhaps.  Taylor says the land is Magical. Could be all those crystals up in Rainbow Hill.

          Back to the entryway.  This is looking out through the front window:

     

          The owner, George, told me they don't do internet, but someone must do it for them because they have both a website:

http://www.rainbow-hill.com/,

and a Facebook page: 

https://www.facebook.com/Rainbow-Hill-and-Parkhurst-Wine-Shop-265476483494231/.

          Both sites are worth checking out if you're interested.

          

          Upon entering, baboom!  

Forgot to buckle up, didn't you?  Hang on tight, my friend for this shit remains legit.

          Is that George, the owner, in the traditional garb of his ancestors about to give you a rockin' deal, or is it merely a figurine atop a glass shelf, keeping watch over the stock by night?  Hard to tell.  And are you a tiny humanoid or are you now a giant, those hand-carved mushrooms keep asking as they sway in some kind of weird dance party over there by the window.

                                     

          Here's a little taste of the merchandise, first in poem form, then in full color photographs:

Cleopatra Betty Boop,

Bowling frogs and 

Idol Frogs.

If you dig

the female form,

come check out the peacock

lamp or a dish to hold 

some soap;

Unicorn-ish cloud

will keep your ashes clean -

only one left in stock.

One whole room

 is only incense.

                               

                                

  

          I hope I didn't lose you in there, or even worse, make you question your existence all over again.  That's the worst.  But just in case you do happen to want some guidance at this time, we got options:

Pedulums for Muscle Testing
(hhttp://www.creativepathwaysinc.com/inspirit/pendulums/#pendulums)

          "Voila!  Les secrets de votre subconscient reveles!"  

          Too dubious of a method for you, Mr. Left Brain Dwayne?  Well, I think they got just the thing:

          Never again worry about what your future holds.  For a discounted price you, yes even you, could be watching the mysteries of the Universe reveal themselves day after day, but no, you'd rather be on your phone, would you not?  Sad!

          Crazy people stressing you out?  Make a chill pill!  Grind yourself up some healing herbage in one of these babies. Mortar and pestle!  

                                        

          You don't have to remember exactly what the herbalist said, that is if you had simply remembered to write it all down in your leather bound spell book.  I have several at home.  Everybody who's anybody does these days.

          "Ahhh!  What's that?!  Oh, it's just you, bird head on a stick.  Mary Poppins' little friend.  Stop poking me, man, I am being cool!"

          After all this, if anyone asks me if I've seen a whole case of thimbles to be honest, I'll have to say yes because I have.

          

          Ooh, here's something interesting!  LOVE IS IN THE EARTH:  THE CRYSTAL AND MINERAL ENCYCLOPEDIA.  No longer in print.  Rare book.  Mucho denero.  Amazon agrees:  (amazon.com/love+is+in+the+earth)

                        

          I asked George who Melody, the author, was and he said "She's . . . Melody!"  He asked if I was into stones and I said no, that I was into books.

          Here are a few other books they had that I'd really love to sink my teeth into:

                                     

And imagine the wisdom you'd gain if you read these three at the same time:

  

Exciting, I know.  So many good books in this world, so few thimbles.

So Rainbow Hill is not only all this.  It also, and perhaps mainly, functions as a cafe and vendor of local wines and beers.  That's where the money's at, food and drink, not wind chimes and fairy hats, I guess.  The cafe was already closed for the day when we were there, so no report to share with you on that, but here's some wine and beer to cheer you up:

                                        

          As I hope I have proven to you in this little write-up as was my honest intention to do all along, there's an abundance of eye-catching, love-smuggling, mystical items up there in Rainbow Hill and you simply must make the time.

Go see it for yourself!  

I told George and Nita that I'd be back one day with more spending money.  I did go home with a few candles, some Indian Temple incense, a gem encyclopedic reference for my neighbor and a postcard of Rainbow Hill for myself because I'm that freaking meta.  Look how happy after a single day spent in Luray.  Luray + me = happy.  What do we say?!  Hooray for Luray! 

And dem Shenandoah 

Valley views

you know can't be beat,

except only

by themselves 

in any other season

but this one.

What a day!  What a trip!  Thanks for joining me again. I hope I did the town justice.  We will meet again, Page County; we will certainly meet again.  That's all for now.  God bless!   Amanda out!